NOTE: I get many questions regarding specific services available in specific states. Please first try the Tears Foundation; Google to find closest chapter. If they are not able to help you please email me, crescenthavenfunerals@gmail.com and I will help you find other options.
For the purposes of this post, “baby” or “infant” shall refer to a child aged one year or under, and a fetus at any stage of development.
I am seeing a lot of GoFundMe pages set up for families seeking financial help after they lose a baby. Nothing is wrong with this, as there may be several costs involved that are not related to the funeral, such as lost time from work and medical expenses. However, if your funeral home is asking for a fee you truly cannot afford, you really need to find another one.
A funeral home should offer its services for free and its merchandise at cost. “Services” refers to things like picking up the body; embalming; cremation; and securing the proper documentation to bury or cremate the baby and coordinate all elements of the funeral ceremony. “Merchandise” applies to caskets, vaults, urns, flowers and other memorial keepsakes like fingerprints.
Most caskets are sold at double or triple the cost to the funeral home. I am looking at a mortuary supply catalog’s listing of combination caskets and vaults (most cemeteries require some sort of outer burial container for all casket burials; it surrounds the casket in the grave and prevents the grave from sinking in). The prices of these caskets range from $120 to $460 and depend on the length and the materials. Caskets without vaults can be purchased wholesale for around $35; ideal if you can find a cemetery that does not require a vault, such as a green burial site. (Although green burial sites do not accept remains that have been embalmed.)
Building your own casket is acceptable if it meets the following requirements: must be constructed of a rigid material that is able to hold the weight of the baby; must have handles on the sides (for infants; not necessarily for fetuses); must encase the baby and must fit both the baby and the grave. A funeral home or cemetery is not allowed to reject such a casket or to charge the family extra because of it.
I use a crematory that charges a flat $100 for all infant cremations. This includes everything that would go into cremating an adult – picking up the body and cremating, securing all permits, then returning to the family in a plastic urn.
Many funeral homes will charge for infant visitation/viewing because they tend to go well into the night. Many relatives may have never met the baby and are not likely to adhere to a one-hour or four-hour time slot. I disagree with this; it is the nature of the business and no one should remove a grieving parent just because “the funeral home is closed.” That’s what interns are for; pay one to stay overnight. (Or, even better, encourage the family to take their baby home.)
If the mother has had a difficult delivery and is still in the hospital with the baby, go to her there to make the arrangements. (If the funeral director will not meet you, you have chosen a bad funeral home.) Encourage her to see the baby if she has not yet. If the baby is too small for any clothing, that’s where the rolodex comes in: we ALL should know someone who knits or crochets in their spare time who will make a tiny burial garment. Sometimes doll clothes will suffice. Be prepared to shop for the family if necessary. I personally will not bury anyone naked even if the family says they don’t care about clothes. I will at least use a hospital gown. In the case of one 8-week-old fetus, I just made him a makeshift paper towel garment.
Cemetery plots for adults can start at $2500, but most cemeteries will charge only a few hundred for an infant grave. This can depend on your baby’s length; usually the cemetery has a separate section just for infants but the graves and caskets must conform to a certain length. It may be more expensive to bury a one-year-old than a fetus. In addition to the charge for the plot itself, there will be an “open and close” charge (meaning, “dig a hole and fill it with dirt”) and a “setup” charge, usually meaning a tarp and chairs. These charges can add an extra $1000 to the burial cost, but should be reduced for an infant.
A fetus that is too small for a casket can be buried in a jewelry box or something similar provided by the family. The cemetery may or may not require some sort of vault, such as an urn vault. These sell wholesale for $37 to $120. The vault is needed in the case of a disinterment, if the parents should later decide to move the baby to another cemetery.
If a parent has died with the baby, it may be possible to bury the baby inside the casket with the parent. It requires a court order, but I have seen this happen with a mother and six-year-old child, and with grandparents who were being cremated with their grandson who died with them. Although, in the cremation case, it was a plane crash wherein it was impossible to separate all the human remains into different people. I don’t believe a court or funeral home would ever allow the cremation of two whole human bodies together. But in this situation it may be possible to pay for only the adult’s services and have those of the infant added at no charge.
If your baby is cremated, expect to receive an extremely small amount of cremated remains back, especially in a newborn or fetus. There will be almost nothing left; perhaps a teaspoon or tablespoon, in contrast to an adult’s cremated remains, which would fill a shoebox.
Embalming infants is incredibly difficult and time-consuming; it can easily be an all-day job. I believe it is reasonable for the funeral home to charge specifically for this extra time, but it should not come close to the fee for embalming an intact adult case (usually $300 to $800).
In total, your funeral and cemetery bill should come to under $1000. If that is still too high a price for you, you can look into organizations such as The Tears Foundation, who reimburse families for infant funeral costs. Google them or contact me if you need help locating them in your state.
Finally, the funeral director should always take handprints, footprints, and a lock of hair if possible. Even if the parents do not want these things, they can be kept in the file permanently so the parent can come back at a later date and either ask for them back or order a piece of jewelry or artwork using the handprint or hair.
Most couples, whether the baby was planned or not, never factored in funeral expenses when they found out they were having a baby, so they should not have to feel overwhelmed in addition to their grief. We cannot heal their hurt, but we can and should make one thing easier on them.
I live in the northern part of idaho and we just delivered our baby at just under 16 weeks and don’t have much money, is there a place near me that might help?
Thank you very much for the information. This has been helpful for easing anxiety as we handle our miscarriage.
I just found d out that my baby died and I was at 16 weeks and two days. Im trying to find some place that won’t cost me an arm and a leg to have her cremated. I know she will be very tiny but I would like her cremated. I’m in texas
Do u know any in ct I just called one he said 500 just to pick the 15 week fetus up and another 1000 to cremate
Take the baby to a funeral home and see if anyone is available to meet with you right away. Cremating a tiny fetus is very easy for the funeral home, no permit required, can be done in about half an hour. Really should never cost you more than $100.
I was blown away and am eternally grateful to the funeral home i called when i miscarried. They informed me that they do not charge for infant or fetus services. The only thing i had to pay for was the tiny urn.
Hi i would like to know the information if it’s in Brooklyn new York
Good morning, please try this link for the Tears Foundation New York chapter. Their contact information is listed.
https://thetearsfoundation.org/new-york/
Who did you use?
Hi,
I am sorry for ur lost. Pls provide the information. I just lost my granddaughter a few days ago at 17 days old and searching for assistance or a provider as u mentioned.
Thank you
In need of getting my cousin and his girlfriend help with cremating their two premature twin boys who have passed away Friday January 19, 2018. One twin was born I’m the hands of his Mother, Brenda, while she was changing into her gown. The baby was listed in critical condition. Brenda and the hospital staff were not aware of another baby inside her stomach. The nurse went in to remove the placenta and found it very difficult to pull out which resulted in excessive bleeding. That’s when they rushed Brenda into Emergency C-Section and that’s when the second twin was discovered to be born still. Approximately a hour later, the first twin born also passed away. The mother was only 5 months pregnant. Please help me get them the financial support they are urgently in need of so they can put their baby boys to rest. They went into the hospital thinking there was only one baby and now they are leaving with such sadness and devastation due to their loss of their twin baby boys. Anything helps during this time of need.
Hello, I was wondering if you had any information on any Los Angeles cremations for babies my baby girl was 15 weeks 5 days gestation, I read your posts here and feel that I am being taken advantage of with price quotes as high as $900 for a cremation service…please any suggestions will help. I’ve looked online at a list of foundations who assist in this time of need, and all of them are out of California and must live in theirs to get assistance any thing is appreciated. Thank you
Carolyne
Carolyne.villanueva8@gmail.com
Hello Carolyne, first of all I am sorry for your loss.
I’m also sorry to say that most funeral homes, according to state laws, do not define a fetal demise at under twenty weeks to be “human remains” and therefore not eligible for the discount commonly given to infant losses. A baby who dies at under twenty weeks of gestation is considered, sadly, to be “medical waste.”
Of course, we both know this is bs; your baby was a PERSON who lived for a short time and then died too soon.
Your best bet would be to look up discount cremation services such as Neptune, Crown and National Cremation Service and see if they will make an exception for your daughter. You could also try searching out funeral homes close to you that are highly reviewed as being extremely compassionate (sad that some aren’t) and visit them to see if one of the directors will make an exception for you and provide you with an at-cost cremation.
I will email you directly in case you don’t get notification of this comment. Please let me know if none of these options panned out for you.
Need help and info for cremation of a 5 month still born, in lancaster pa everything I see is $1300+ for direct cremation.
Hello Joseph,
Where are you looking? Online or over the phone? If you call, you might try asking if they are affiliated with any discount cremation services. For example, funeral homes with the Dignity Memorial logo are often linked to the National Cremation Society, which will cremate at around $800 for an adult. A small fetus should never be more than a hundred dollars, anywhere.
The Tears Foundation, I believe, helps out with a fetus up to 20 weeks.
Other places to look up would be People’s Memorial Association, Neptune Society, or Crown Memorial.
Also, many higher-priced family-owned funeral homes will often waive or lower their fees for an infant or fetus. Sometimes you need to ask specifically.
Let me know if any of these options do not work out for you and I will call around and see what else I can find. For a faster response, email me directly at cori@corilou.com.
I don’t know if this is your child or that of someone close to you, but I am sorry you are going through this.
Please i need help with everthing my grandaughter passed away one week ago and we do not have the funds to pay my son is 21 and his wife is 20 and they are not. Able to pay the kind of money the places are asking for and it has already been a week
Please contact me my daughter had a stillborn baby last Tuesday and we want to cremate him she was 7months .
And isn’t dealing with this well.
I’ve been quoted up to $3,000.00
And as low as $780.00
Please help
Gina McGowan
Anything over a couple hundred for cremating a stillborn baby is robbery. Most places are around 100.
This would be for what is known as a direct cremation, which is picking up the body; meeting with the family to get the necessary signatures; cremating the body and returning the cremated remains to the family in a plastic container.
If you want a viewing, embalming, or service, the price will increase but it shouldn’t be outrageous.
A few funeral homes occasionally offer “off the record” discounts to needy families or those who have lost infants. Worth it to ask, though you’d have to show up in person and sit through the arrangement.
The Tears Foundation would also be good to look into here.
This was great information to find after looking a baby at 34wks of pregnancy. You gave us an outline of where to start.
Thanks.
loosing a baby…..
I need help my baby 18 weeks pregnat but didnt have a heart beat they remove my baby have 30 days to cremate
Need assistant on cremating still born